Talk:Shattering
Please post reviews and comments on the story here. Official NRC Review After a few blissful weeks of procrastination, I have decided to rise from the dark depths and write an official NRC review. This time, the lucky (or unlucky, depending on your evaluation of my reviewing skill) writer is Varkanax39. I'm sure you recognize the name, and you'll probably also recognize the name of the story to be reviewed: Shattering. Shattering was completed several weeks ago (thus, I beg you to excuse me if my memory faileth me occasionally in regard to the story's details), and one of my first thoughts upon reading the last few chapters was 'this is almost good enough to be a real book. You know, the kind with paper pages and the author's name on the cover.' Indeed, my thoughts were later echoed by a respected member of the Custom BIONICLE Wiki community, the name of whom slips my mind at the moment. Anyways, this individual stated that Shattering was of 'near-professional quality', or something to that effect. The words aren't particularly important, however. What matters is the obvious fact (to those who've read it, of course) that Shattering is good. Really good. Near-professionally good. Epicbess good. Nevertheless, there is a bit of room for improvement. Perhaps I am not the best one for the task, what with my limited experience in both the writing of reviews and the writing of stories, but I shall, without further delay, attempt to reveal the exact nature of this 'room for improvement'. First up: the plot. Like those of its predecessors, Shattering's plot is quite tangled and complex, but unlike those of many of the aforementioned predecessors, not overly so. (Although it does walk the line in some places.) This is possibly due to the highly entertaining bit-by-bit revelation of the Order and its motives, which encourages the reader to sit up and actually pay attention to what's going on, or perhaps it is really the high-quality writing that's doing the encouraging. I suspect the latter: Varkanax39's writing, pace, characters, and sub-plots have all improved to a level where they effectively camouflage any weakness in the main plot. The climax of the story, not to mention the events leading up to it, is magnificently done, with enough tension to make the reader wonder if, just maybe, the bad guys will eventually win. (Of course, they don't. But still, the ability to make the reader wonder is worth its weight in gold.) Saren's treachery is also well done, although perhaps not as effectively as that of Vahrikaan's attempt at rising. In all probability, a bit more detail about Saren in the proceeding chapters would make his deeds all the more despicable. But again, magnificent job; an excellent plot, probably Varkanax's best as of December 2011. The characters are also well done, particularly the ones with a major role to play. Antagonists are somewhat cliched regarding their moral beliefs (or lack of such), but still satisfactory. Protagonists are- well, perhaps I should critique them individually: Shardak. The main protagonist, the fabled Spirit Toa. He's become a grim, determined, battle-hardened warrior; an excellent character in all respects, were it not for the long-enduring ghost of naive Matoran-ness that continues to haunt him. But still, he's come a looong way from what he was in Into the Darkness, and I really shouldn't complain too much about him, I suppose. Valkryia: still as epic as ever. The tough moral decisions she struggles with are slightly cliched, but well done, and add quite a bit more depth to her personality, as do the additional details of her life as an Ix warrior. The only thing I might mention is that she doesn't seem to be quite as formidable an opponent in battle as she was in The Shadows Coil, but perhaps that is simply my imagination. Anyways, I digress. Fairon, ever the mature, experienced veteran, continues to play the part quite well, despite his irritating refusal to activate his Kanohi of Quick-Travel. (What's he wear it for, if he never uses it? And while we're on the subject, what about Jarodin's Kanohi? Are he and Fairon members of some Use-Your-Mask-And-Powers-As-Little-As-Possible Club, or what?) He honestly hasn't changed very much since The Darkest Light, however, so I won't dwell any more on him. Nightwatcher, who plays a minor (though not unimportant) role in Shattering, is also quite satisfactory. Personality is good: the classic Nightwatcher traits that we're all familiar with. Perhaps he could have made a few more appearances, but that's just my opinion, and his duel over the fate of the Shadowdermis pool is probably good enough to make up for their non-existence. Non-protagonist characters (I hesitate to use the word 'minor', when so many are obviously major) are quite entertaining, and serve their purpose with efficiency. Nice work on all of them, although some could perhaps use a bit more characterization? personality? description? I'm not sure how to say what I mean, but let's take a look at a certain Matoran of Iron, name of Silver. He's a somewhat minor character, no doubt about it. But still, it's almost as if he was originally meant to be even more minor, and thus was never properly described... even when he became a "major among minors". A bit of brief description of his history would be extremely nice, not to mention a more detailed description of his appearance, or a bit more obvious personality, or a bit more of everything that makes a good character good. (Was that paragraph vague and confusing enough for you? :P) I find this same problem in many of Shattering's characters, albeit usually to a lesser degree. It shouldn't take too much to correct, I think, just a bit more time and effort...? There's one or two other minor problems as well, the exact nature of which I can't pinpoint at the moment (perhaps they're just different aspects of an aforementioned slight lack of characterization), but on the whole, great work. All the major (and minor, for that matter) characters were completely acceptable, and most were much, much better than those of the majority of Custom BIONICLE Wiki's authors. Again, great work. I shall now focus on the writing itself. I've already mentioned Varkanax39's excellent usage of sub-plots, pace, characters, etc., so I won't dwell too much on them. A short summary will perhaps be sufficient, no? Sub-plots are sometimes a little bit confusing (usually, information just needs to be introduced a bit more slowly), but still very well done. Pace/flow is excellent; Varkanax39's signature combination of philosophical desperation (hope you understand what I mean by that; it was the best thing I could come up with to express my thoughts), grim solemnity, and cliff-hanger action. Characters have already been discussed (magnificent job). Battle scenes are well done; entertaining, effective, and realistic, yet not overly graphic. Dialogue is excellent, although sometimes a bit dry (mostly whenever the Powers That Be are discussing battle strategy). Descriptive passages are quite good, although occasionally I find myself becoming bored with them and having to re-read some particularly dry sentence(s). Realism (by BIONICLE standards, and in my humble and ill-experienced opinion) is of professional level; combat (both external, internal, and emotional trauma related to such) seems to be portrayed quite accurately, as does... well, pretty much everything. Spelling/grammer is excellent, although I've found more mis-typed words than would be nice (consider using a spellchecker a bit more, if you have one). Formating and mechanics are also excellent, with no obvious flaws. In conclusion, I'll summarize what I've been attempting to say: excellent job, save for a few minor problems which I'll refrain from re-discussing. I enjoyed Shattering very much, and would like to congratulate the author on another magnificent addition to the Xaterex Multiverse Storyline. It could use a tiny bit more work, but hey, what story doesn't? And with that encouraging note, let's wrap this up. I'm sick of typing. Overall Grade: B+ [[User:Toa Roden|'Toa']] [[User talk:Toa Roden|'Roden']] 00:09, January 13, 2012 (UTC)